When I first began to remember who I am as a Afrikan woman, over time I became very prideful. I went on to seek to further help create a pan-Afrikan nation. I began to take pride in this that turned into being too one-sided. On a layover into Qatar on my way to Tanzania, I walk around the lounge amongst others (Belgiums, Europeans, etc.) as if they were the very ones who colonized my ancestors. I didn’t notice it until now but I became very resentful in my level of awareness of who I am and the story of my people. Everyone else grew up with a certain level of dignity for their group but my group (American) was taught that we were slaves from the start and constantly bombarded with messages of “black lives don’t really matter”. I carried pain. Why does no one think about the psychological effects of not having pride in what you look like and where you come from. It’s damaging. Truthfully speaking, that further enabled the pain and being too prideful.
It dawned on me tonight there was no reason to be mad at the world. What will I do now to fulfill my purpose? I will always matter. I came into this knowledge to understand that I don’t have to be ignorant anymore. That everything is a choice. I can seek knowledge and understanding. I have the ability and awareness now. Nothing is holding me back anymore. I don’t have to be in the dark.
I’m not going to lie, I still feel some type of way and a little behind but I’m happy I was able to remember. Being mad at the world will get me nowhere fast. I understand that the sheer fact of knowing melanated people resided all around the world, let me know I am a citizen of everywhere. I don’t have to feel resentment that I can carry out my life without fear.
