A few days ago, I was sitting at my desk and I began to have a mini panic attack (I’m okay). I began to cry, trying to catch my breath. I felt like my world was spinning and I had no grip on my life but in reality, I just wasn’t being honest with myself. This is what I learned at that moment…
Trust (Self Trust)
Self-Trust is defined as the firm reliance on the integrity of yourself. It is having confidence in yourself enough to make decisions for your life and not overthink it. It is not a matter of being “right” or “wrong”. I knew deep down inside I do not want to be in corporate, but I did not build trust in myself enough to make it outside of corporate. So many thoughts started to plague my mind what if you fail? Who do you think you are? this is not very adult of you and the list goes on. I’m learning to not ignore these thoughts but to explore them and ask myself where are these thoughts coming from, why? And to dig a little further to get to the root.
Accountability
Accountability is one I struggle/d with since grade school. I’ve had to become independent at a very young age and was never really taught the basic functions of living a life of clarity and self-reflection. It was always just making sure you’re surviving. Accountability is choosing to consciously take responsibility for your life. As I sat down and reflected on why I was crying, I realized I had not been holding myself accountable for my actions. To go even further, I did not fully understand what accountability looked like. Even though I knew corporate wasn’t for me I was not taking the necessary steps to forge my own path. Accountability showed me that I did not have to go back to corporate, but I DO need to cultivate better habits that will make me successful in any decision I make. Questions I asked myself: What are my current weaknesses? What are my current strengths? Am I consistent? Why do I procrastinate? Etc. These questions allow me to face the side of me that tends to self-sabotage. Which leads me to my next self-discovery.
Self- Sabotage
Most of us have encountered self-sabotage at one point and time in our lives and coming to that reality that it’s your own fault is not the most appealing and quite frankly leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. But yes, I had been self-sabotaging. According to healthline.com self-sabotage refers to behaviors or thought patterns that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do. Hmm, sounds familiar. As I mentioned previously in Accountability, I asked myself questions to get to the root of the problem, well that led me to ask myself what are my thoughts about myself? What is my self-image? And how does that manifest itself in my decisions, life, and daily habits?
In conclusion, life will throw us a curveball when we’re not being decisive and intentional with our dreams, goals, and desires. It doesn’t matter what path in life I want to take, what matters is if I’m actively working towards that thing and being honest with myself in the process. Lastly, I am learning to show myself grace because to be quite frankly no two lives are the same and we all come here to self-actualize, individually. That’s love.
By Tiffany
